It’s been four days since we put an ultimatum to Wendy’s, demanding they release an actual coffee Frosty. Not some Frosty-flavored creamer and not the Frosty-cino—which is just Frosty mix and cold brew and is not at all the same thing and if you can’t tell the difference between Frosty and Frosty mix, then I don’t know what else I can do for you—but an actual honest to goodness Frosty with real coffee. And since then, do you know how many times we’ve heard from Wendy’s? Zero, that’s how many.
So it appears now that it is time to take matters into our own hands and give you Sprudge’s surefire recipe for making a Coffee Frosty. It’s so easy that it should be a crime it doesn’t already exist.
Here’s what you are going to need:
- A Frosty: Any size and flavor. The classic chocolate is preferred but not required, and a medium is about a big of a soft serve as I can justify ordering at 10:00 am without feeling bad about myself.
- Cold coffee: It can be cold brew or iced coffee. If I’m being a fancy boy, I’ll use iced coffee I made myself (because iced coffee is always better than cold brew), but Wendy’s cold brew works just fine (ish) and will give you a better representation of the company is getting off on withholding from you. Order it with no ice. We don’t want to dilute it.
- Fine ground coffee (optional): You will have to BYO but trust me when I say it’s well worth it. Luckily I’m the Hilary Clinton of always keeping some espresso grounds in my purse.
With all our ingredients mised en place, it’s time to get making.
The first thing you’re going to need to do, and this is important, is eat some of that delicious Frosty. They fill those bad boys to the brim, leaving no room for any additions. And, y’know, it’s a Frosty. It’s delicious. Once you’ve eaten a good-sized ravine around the outer edges, leaving a healthy mound in the middle (for aesthetics), you’re going to want to pour in some coffee, maybe two to three tablespoons at a time. With the coffee poured to your liking, give it a little sprinkle of fairy dust coffee grounds and have at it!
Once you’ve eaten your way through all the coffee and grounds, there’s likely to be more sweet, sweet Frosty left over. And if there is, then just repeat the adding coffee and dusting steps. Going little by little will ensure you always have the perfect ratio of coffee to frosty and that you’ll get that little textural crunch from the grounds in every bit.
There are some around the Sprudge offices who shall remain nameless that have suggested a sort of upside-down coffee Frosty, where you add a dollop of Frosty to the iced coffee. This is objectively and canonically incorrect. It doesn’t even make sense, a little float of Frosty bobbing up and down in an otherwise perfectly good iced coffee. [Ed. note: It’s good, just do it yourself, this isn’t some evil TikTok hack designed to make the lives of service workers miserable by turning everyone into entitled “make me whatever I ask for!” monsters. Also, Wendy’s cold brew tastes like barbecue sauce and cardboard, so a little Frosty goes a long way to make it actually taste good.] This is not a coffee Frosty, it is an abomination, and I can’t in good conscience recommend it. But it’s out there, and if you hold nothing sacred, then I say, “Blaspheme away!” But do not sully what is good and pure by conflating it with some putrid Golem of soft serve struggling to keep its swirly maw above the coffee line.