Have you ever wanted to smell like the sort of regret that only comes from a night of mixing uppers and downers, without having to go through all the trouble of sending your body those mixed signals? Well, now you can thanks to a new perfume by Absolut vodka and Kahlua coffee liqueur. No. 83 is “the world’s first Espresso Martini eau de parfum” created to “celebrate one of the seasons’ most popular cocktails.”
As reported by PR Newswire, the limited-edition fragrance was designed in collaboration with perfumer Imaginary Authors to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the resurgently popular cocktail. And so to ride the hype wave of this generation’s vodka red bull, Absolut and Kahlua—two liquor brands under the Pernod Ricard umbrella that just so happen to be key ingredients in the bad time-inducing cocktail—have reimagined the espresso martini in a way that, thankfully, doesn’t require getting any of it on your taste buds.
No. 83 is said to have notes of sugar cane rum, arabica coffee, velvety foam, benzoin, night musk, and decadence, very few of which have anything like a distinguishing scent. It’s just a bottle of vibes. Oh but what a bottle it is. The special-release fragrance comes with an ‘80s-inspired coupe-shaped bottle “to dab on the espresso martini essence.” It’ll look totally fetch with your espresso martini handbag.
It can all be yours for the low, low price of $105, or roughly the price of six to seven espresso martinis. No. 82 is currently on pre-order now via Imaginary Authors’ website and is expected to start shipping out November 24th.
Admittedly I’m probably not the target audience for this. I don’t understand how the espresso martini became popular again—it is objectively gross—and I don’t think I ever will. On the other hand, though, a non-ingestible version of the cocktail is probably the most likely version of it that I would ever consider being party to. Perhaps No. 82 is my gateway drug into finally “getting” the espresso martini, just in time for its coolness to give way to a new look Four Loko or something.